More rambling

The reason why i don't blog alot, i figured, is because i can't put down everything and anything trivia, which is what life's full of. That takes alot of energy, and people just don't wanna read about other people's lives when they've got their own to worry about. But since i started writing intermitently and as i feel like it, i thought why would anyone still think of clicking on this link to ready my blog after repeatedly disappointing visits prove that there'd been nothing new here and will probably continue to be so for maybe the next few weeks (haw haw).

Personally, i got really fed up when my favourite blogs are so un-updated they start to ressemble the Aztec records ; nothing new ever comes up.

so why are you not dropping me like a dead fish (yucks!).

In fact if no one's interested in my blog maybe i can turn it into a hate mail site for everything i hate, like xiaxue. (note the double layers of meaning)

Why is is so hard to find a decent job around here, something that does not involve sales, or PR (pian ren). Some people make making money look so easy.

Gee if i continue to be jobless i might end up eating wind in US.

hey recently i'm into jean luc godard and all things french. Anyone?

it's been hard, these couple of months. I'm trying to do certain things so that i don't regret later yet i'm second guessing all the way. i'm saturated with problems that won't go away. It's like no matter how hard you close your eyes each night wishing the world will disappear, the next time you open them its still there.

I hate it to think that my folks will have a hard time funding me to go the missouri and i hate it that we're not rich. And I hate it that i'm not earning my own keep and I hate it that life's unfair.

Then you know, if anything good has come out of this, i can say now i know exactly what family means.

Absolute support, absolute commitment.

But while I'm happy for that, for the most part i've been handling it alone. Worrying alone, feeling desperate alone, feeling alone. Sometimes I think I have no one, only to discover how true it is the next second. Hardly any comfort there. I'm not a very good comforter anyway.

I think I have no friends. Haven't been talkin to anyone this whole time. Well if no one cares, I care for no one to. I'll just be strong myself. i've loads of experience anyway, been doing it my whole life. I can survive without anybody. It feels like steel.

Ha hah. Nothing, just laughing it off.