it's been hard, these couple of months. I'm trying to do certain things so that i don't regret later yet i'm second guessing all the way. i'm saturated with problems that won't go away. It's like no matter how hard you close your eyes each night wishing the world will disappear, the next time you open them its still there.

I hate it to think that my folks will have a hard time funding me to go the missouri and i hate it that we're not rich. And I hate it that i'm not earning my own keep and I hate it that life's unfair.

Then you know, if anything good has come out of this, i can say now i know exactly what family means.

Absolute support, absolute commitment.

But while I'm happy for that, for the most part i've been handling it alone. Worrying alone, feeling desperate alone, feeling alone. Sometimes I think I have no one, only to discover how true it is the next second. Hardly any comfort there. I'm not a very good comforter anyway.

I think I have no friends. Haven't been talkin to anyone this whole time. Well if no one cares, I care for no one to. I'll just be strong myself. i've loads of experience anyway, been doing it my whole life. I can survive without anybody. It feels like steel.

Ha hah. Nothing, just laughing it off.