just another bunch of crap

its fuckin ironic. the time when you are so overload with crap is the times you are dead beat to blog and the times you have nothing really to write about is the time you actually got time to log on. Sometimes life in school just gets you and zaps all yer energy, so all yer wanna do when you get home is sit in front of the TV and let yer mind go into a complete blank, so that it does not start thinking in circles again. You know, circles!! means there is no stop point anywhere...

So much fuckin crap happened these days that its torturing to even re-live it in words. whatever is happening feels kinda like out-of-body, like some kinda of motion i must follow through because i'm oblige to. Where is the emotional meaning. that's the stuf that makes all the difference. Without emotional meaning, everything just fits into the compartments of another day's worth of work.

Its scary now much weaknesses you find as yer try to get stronger everyday. hate it when i too soft to reject somebody, hate it when it means heaping more work unto myself, hate it when i try to do everything and feel nauseous in the stomach from all that pressure. I hate it when people ask me to do stuff, as if they know my weakness and tries to exploit it.

today we just finished a gig we organised fer a class project, im beat. i dun noe what i've just done, i can't put a finger on it (oh and funny the thrid finger on my right hands hurts and feels a little numb, must have snub it somewhere just now, if i keep not feeling my finger will it get amputed?) Any way that's finished, so now moving on to the next thing. See what i mean, life's one big list of things to do, seriously, if i have no cares in the world, i'll be happy i think. i'll be happy to be alone and i dun care if that'll be lonely, cos seriously even if yer around poeple, u can feel more alone than ever.